[asa] Children's letters to Santa

Today's children and their letters to Santa. ~ Janice :)

Dear Santa,
I have been good all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah (who wants to grow up to be an AGW computer modeler just
like my daddy.)

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy (Sarah's friend)

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's busy banging the AGW drum with Algore and
Deepak. Do you think he's gonna give up trying to turn carbon into
currency just to come back to an AGW Denier who's trying to stop him
from getting a piece of that action? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
After you save the polar bears, can you please bring me a new bike, a
Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba?
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I'll set you up with a Green Barbie.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left your last meal of milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door because my
mommy told me that the preacher at our church told her that the North
Pole is melting and you all won't be around next year.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer [...] in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch to drink after I move my operations to
Vegas. Or, you could leave a bottle of whatever your mommy and the
preacher drink. That would work.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What are you gonna do the other 364 days in 2008, now? My mommy told
me that you would only be allowed to bring us green toys from now on
and will have to throw away all those other ones you made. (PS:
Please don't throw them away - I'll take them - I have a good hiding
place. I never use my green crayon because I hate that color. )
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
I stopped making toys years ago - all the toys are made in China now.
When I pick them up in '08 they will all be painted with green lead
paint. As for me, I bought a condo in Vegas, where I will spend most
of my time making low-budget AGW crisis films for Algore and Deepak.
I will unwind by drinking myself silly and ..." Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Dear Santa,
Are you skeered of GW like me? Do you see us when we're sleeping, do
you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. My mommy says I can have one
if it's green. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have a green one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiny begging may work with your folks, but that cr*p doesn't
work with me. You're getting a white sweater to match the color of
the glacier that's creeping up on you.
Santa

Dearest Santa, We don't have an open chimney in our house anymore -
my mommy says we have to be green now because of global warming - so
she made my dad close it up. Now I'm worried - how will you be able
to get into our house? (PS: I'm even more worried about that than I
am about the polar bears, but please, please don't tell my teacher, OK?)
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", like your mommy and your
teacher does - that's why you're getting your butt whipped at recess.
I'll get inside your house just like the boogeyman does, through
your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa

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Received on Fri Dec 21 11:05:34 2007