Ladies and gentlemen:
Let me be brief. I would like to announce the imminent publication
(somewhere on the web) of my irrefutable Theory of the Existence of
God and Other Incredibly Important and Interesting Things, which I
prefer to call TEGOIIIT. It will put all debates about everything,
and even some about nothing, to rest. (Then we'll have more time
to do research.)
Now, I'd like to really explain it to you all, but in fact it's far
too complicated for any of you to understand, not so much due to
stupidity or ignorance, but more to a combination of the two, owing
to the fact that none of you possesses the necessary credentials,
which I outline below.
Ph.D. in neuroscience
M.S. in toxicology
B.S. in cell and developmental biology and mathematics
high school diploma from Cortez High School in Phoenix, Arizona
parent of 5 hominid offspring
one-time resident of New Jersey (toxicological field experience)
occasional visitor to both the Grand Canyon and Cape Cod
I hope it's clear how these credentials translate into galactic-
class intellectual prowess. And I hope that at least a handful
of you can see how this collection of credentials, almost certainly
unparallelled in this particular universe, qualify me (and only me)
to advance and critique this TEGOIIIT. If you can't see it, then
there's really nothing I can do to help you. And for crying out
loud, don't clutter my mailbox with your pathetic criticisms of
my ideas, unless you're a Nobel laureate or some other worthy
manifestation of Mind.
Now let's all get back to work.
(TEGOIIIT home page rollout TBA)
Hoping no one laughs too hard at my credentials,
Steve Matheson, b.i.
(I got the b.i. from Howard Van Till, who I think has never posted
his TEGOIIIT or his credentials)
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