<< Subject: New Genesis
In the beginning God created Dates. And the date was Monday,
July 4, 4004 B.C.. And God said, let there be light; and there was
light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday,and he
got down to work; for verily, he had a Big Job to do.
And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and pre-Cambrian limestone
strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon tusks and Picanthopus erectus skulls
and Cretaceous placentals made he; and those cave paintings at Lasceaux. And
that was that, for the first Work Day.
And God saw that he had made many wondrous things, but that he had not
wherein to put it all. And God said, Let the heavens be divided from the
earth; and let us bury all of these Things which we have made in the earth;
but not too deep. And God buried all the Things which he had made, and that
was that. And the morning and the evening and the overtime wereTuesday.
And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry land appear;
and that was that. And God called the dry land Real Estate; and the water
called he the Sea. And in the land and beneath it put he crude oil, grades
one through six; and natural gas put he thereunder, and prehistoric
carboniferous forests yielding anthracite and other ligneous matter; and all
these called he Resources; and he made them Abundant. And likewise all
that was in the sea, even unto two hundred miles from the dry land , called
the resources; all that was therein, like manganese nodules, for instance.
And the morning unto the evening had been a long day; which he called
Wednesday.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every moving
creature I can think of, with or without backbones, with or without
wings or feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and all, right now ;
and let each one be of a separate species. For lo, I can make whatsoever I
like, whensoever I like. And the earth brought forth abundantly all
creatures, great and small, with and without backbones, with and without
wings and feet and fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all, from bugs to
brontosauruses. But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful and multiply
and Evolve Not.
And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that the earth was
exceedingly crowded, and he said unto them, Let each species compete for
what it needed; for Healthy Competition is My Law. And the species competeth
amongst themselves, the cattle and the creeping things; and some madeth it
and some didn't; and the dogs ate the dinosaurs and God was pleased. And God
took the bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them to appear mighty old; and
cast he them about
the land and the sea. And he took every tiny creature that had not madeth
it, and caused them to become fossils; and cast he them about likewise. And
just to put matters beyond the valley of the shadow of a doubt God created
carbon dating. And this is the origin of species. And in the Evening of the
day which was Thursday, God saw that he had put in another good day's work.
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness,
which is tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and let us also make monkeys,
which resembleth us not in any wise, but are short and ill-formed and hairy.
And God added, Let man have dominion over the monkeys and the fowl of the air
and every species, endangered or otherwise. So God created Man in His own
image; tall and well-formed and pale of hue created He him, and nothing at
all like the monkey.
And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed,
which is upon the face of the earth. But ye shalt not smoketh it, lest it
giveth you ideas. And to every beast of the earth and every fowl of the air
I have given also every green herb, and to them it shall be for meat. But
they shall be for you. And the Lord God your Host suggesteth that the flesh
of cattle goeth well with that of the fin and the claw; thus shall Surf be
wedded unto Turf.
And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very good; and
God said, It just goes to show Me what the private sector can accomplish.
With a lot of fool regulations this could have taken billions of years. And
the evening of the fifth day, which had been the roughest day yet, God said,
Thank me it's Friday. And God made the weekend. [TGIF] chao/Silk
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Is this it?
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