Meta-arguments (arguments about a poster's style of argument) have been
bubbling off and on here for several months and now seem to be at an
angry boil. I have a suggestion.
Those marriage-preparation books I read three years ago said that there
are bad ways to argue, and "good" ways to argue. It is wrong to use
phrases like, "You always do __________" or "You never do _________." It
is much better to say, "When you did ___________, it made me feel
____________."
I think we can adapt those principles to our group. When another's choice
of words really gets your goat, I suggest you preface your remarks with
statements like, "I find your style unhelpful because it seems to me that
______________." or "I perceived your arguments as being ______________."
In short, describe your _perceptions_ of the other person's words (this
allows them to alter their style and explain why the perception was
unintended) rather than accusing them of some less-than-noble tactic
(which forces them to become defensive). If one side of the argument
starts doing this, maybe the other side will eventually start doing it,
too.
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"There's a fine line between |
participation and mockery." | Loren Haarsma
--Wally the Engineer (_Dilbert_) | lhaarsma@opal.tufts.edu